I was born in Estonia, but fled the country with my parents in 1944. We were fortunate to be able to immigrate to the United States and I am now retired in Texas. This is my home now - my family is here, still - I feel a strong bond with the country of my birth and have returned there many times starting in 1974, visiting friends and relatives, searching for my “roots”, and participating in choir and folkdance festivals.
While visiting Estonia last summer I was fortunate to be invited to a birthday party for an Estonian man who was celebrating his 80th birthday. The celebrant had led a colorful life. During the Second World War at the time when Estonia was occupied by Germany, he did not want to be drafted to serve in a German uniform, so he escaped to Finland and fought in the Finnish Army until Finland capitulated in 1944. Then he returned to Estonia along with 2000 other Estonians to defend the east border from the advancing Soviet Army. He served with my cousin and they became friends. It was through my cousin that I too was invited to this intimate gathering.
Although I speak Estonian fluently, it immediately became clear that I was regarded as an American, different from a person who has lived in Estonia through the Soviet occupation and Estonia's turbulent return to independence. When the birthday speeches, congratulations and reminiscences were exhausted, I was graciously asked to share my impressions of modern Estonia, and talk about the changes I have observed. Following are some of my observations, and a few comparisons with life in the United States, especially the state of Texas. In return the guests at the party gave me some of their impressions of Americans.
On this visit I had entered Estonia from Latvia by bus, coming from a conference of Estonian expatriates in Riga, Esto 2004. The entry procedure took more time than on my previous trips to Estonia, where my U.S. passport seemed to pave the way. Perhaps because of the fact that Estonia has become a member of the European Union, the border control has now become more thorough.
But this did not mean that I melted in with the native people. I was told how well I speak Estonian! A native Estonian does not compliment another about how well he speaks. One commented that I speak in a singing-like manner. Another said that I speak as if there is a potato in my throat. My writing style was pronounced “interesting.” On the other hand, to me it seemed me that native Estonians hammered out each word. Their words came as if from a machinegun. And I heard new words, words that were not in use when I left Estonia in 1944.
In contrast with Americans, Estonians are much more reserved and even-tempered. Estonians in a hotel restaurant eat quietly or speak with each other in whispers. Foreigners initiate conversations with strangers, inquiring where they are from, and about their travel experiences. Estonians are not unfriendly, however. When asked a question, an Estonian will give a well thought out to the point but cautious answer. Often he qualifies his answers with "perhaps," "maybe," "it could be," or "you might." Possibly the cautiousness is the result of living under 50 years of occupation, when excessive talking could get one into trouble. When I asked what Estonians thought of the Iraqi war, they answered, “We don’t know everything that your president knows.” In contrast, Estonians think that Americans are very inquisitive.
Understatement was common in communication. A native Estonian who visited America told me that Estonians "could be freer with praise and expressions of gratefulness," but act as if praising might violate the emotional space of others. In any discussion the relationship between people is quickly established by addressing the conversationalist, with either the formal or the informal "you," which are two different words in the Estonian language. In cases where the relationship is not obvious, Estonians are masters at phrasing sentences in a way that avoids the use of "you."
Curiously, the ease by which verbal communications are established does not carry over to e-mail. Estonians do not feel the need to respond to emails, unless absolutely necessary.
(To be continued.)