Zoom interviews were conducted with 4 women, who have received our help through the Pärnu Women’s shelter. We listened to their stories and how EERO has helped and can help in the future. (Names have been changed to protect the identities and privacy of the women.) Juuli, Eha and Anu each have 5 children and Linda has 2 children. All of them are now living independently, but their former lives are hard for us to imagine.
„ I get 50 euros a month for each child from the state,“ said Juuli, „but food and electricity prices keep rising, stocking firewood for heating in the winter is now double the price.“ „We have to manage,“ adds Eha, „as we did with the corona crisis now we are faced with the price increases. We want our children to live a full life. Despite how little money we have, we want our children to participate in activities, to occassionally have new clothes and shoes like other children.“
„Self esteem is very important for children,“ adds Anu, „they need to feel that they belong and are the same as other children. It would be wonderful if they could develop their interests – participate in art circles, ceramics or handpainting, sports or music classes.“ Linda’s son was bullied because of his clothes by his 10 year old classmates. Thanks to EERO’s support we were able to buy some up-to-date clothes to help him fit in. Such simple things can make a huge difference.
„I had to hide from my husband after I left my abusive relationship of 10 years,“ explains Eha.“ My husband isolated me. He did not allow me or my children to participate in our community. The children were home schooled by me, as I was not allowed to go to work or leave the house. I was only allowed to go to the store, and go shopping with my husband.“ Juuli tried to contact the local women’s shelter for 2 years, as she no longer could bear living at home with her children. She was afraid that she would loose her children.
„It’s hard for people to understand abuse that stems from total control. I was not allowed to drive the car, we moved to a rural area – away from other people-I could not go to any events with my children or parties. I needed to work and go to the store, as my husband did not work. I was isolated, and considered suicide.“ Anu lived in a small rural community, in an abusive relationship for 22 years. „My husband controlled everything – housekeeping, dressing, what music we listened to or played. I was not allowed to work and I lost all of my friends.“
Linda escaped at night by carrying her son and running along the railway tracks. Despite the courts awarding her custody of both her daughter and son, she has not seen or talked to her daughter on the telephone for over 4 years. Court proceedings are still ongoing. These women wanted to emphasize that abuse is not only physical isolation but goes much deeper. It is restricting another person, forbidding them from bonding with others and undermining them.
These women talked about how the women’s shelter provided them with crisis therapy and then family therapy, which has helped them and their children. The group therapy has been very important to regaining confidence and some continue to participate in group therapy sessions. „A therapist or psychologist needs to understand abuse to help,“ said Juuli,“group therapy is essential for both the women and children. We have similar experiences. We support each other and reinforce the idea that we will manage!“ Eha agreed, „ Group therapy helped me to understand that I am not guilty and that I am not alone! I learned how to be confident and independent.“
These Estonian women stated that they are no longer afraid or ashamed to talk about their former lives. The Women’s shelters and the EERO Children’s Fund have helped them and other mothers and children who face difficulties and need financial support for daily necessities and mental well-being with group and creative therapy. They are not alone and with their experiences and knowledge can help other women and children who faced similar situations and lives.
How to donate to the EERO Children’s Fund
Canada: E-transfer: , Bank Transfer: Northern Birch Credit Union-EERO Estonian Children’s Fund (EERO - ECF) arvele Cheque: EERO (ECF), 17 Tufton Cres., Toronto, ON, M4A 2E2. Credit Card or PayPal: EERO page at https://www.canadahelps.org/en... (choose EERO Children’s Fund) (EERO is a registered Canadian charity #89233 8369 RR0001).
USAs: Send your donation to Estonian Relief Committee USA 243 East 34th Street, New York, NY 10016-4852 or by PayPal http://www.estoreliefusa.org/ donate_est.html. Tax deduction receipts are issued for donations over $250. (Estonian Relief Committee USA is registered 501(c)3).
Ruth Patterson ja Mari Ann Tammark, EERO Canada
Toomas Kilm, ERC USA
